An Open Letter To Hat-Knitters

As anyone who's been checking this blog religiously might have noticed, I have a certain weakness for knitted hats. I can't help it; even though they squish every last inch of volume out of my hair and give me nothing but a static electrical charge in exchange, I still have a deep love in my heart for them. A love which I am beginning to suspect is not reciprocated at all by knitted-hat makers.

Why do I say this? Check out the follow examples.

Exhibit A:

...Actually, I think Exhibit A could stand alone on this one, but if there's one thing Law & Order has taught me, it's that there's no such thing as too little evidence. So here's Exhibit B:


And here, have an Exhibit C for good measure:


So, what's wrong with these hats? They're all intended for children, that's what. Apparently, hat-knitters out there seem to be under the impression that adults--having reached a supposedly sensible age--do not want hats with robots on them. In fact, as far as knitted hats for women go, they tend to look a bit like this:


Great. Just what I always wanted. A hat to match those Ugg boots that I don't even like. Fun.

Seriously, though; this is a grave oversight on the behalf of the hat-knitters, because I can think of at least ten adults off the top of my head who would totally wear one of the first three hats listed, and I travel in only mildly geeky circles. Imagine what would happen if the full-frontal nerdity groups discovered someone selling hats like these for adults.

My guess? SALES WOULD GO THROUGH THE ROOF. And last I checked, capitalism was still a major part of the American way, so what do you people have against making buttloads of money?

So please, people who knit hats and sell them on Etsy, I'm begging you: Make some cute hats for adults. Don't waste your talents on solely crafting hats for small children. Diversify, and make this hat blogger a happy, happy woman.