It's Been A Long, Long Week

See this picture? That's pretty much what I look like, except for the fact that I'm not a dude.

As mentioned on Wednesday, I had the viewing for Grandma Greene to attend that day, and the funeral was yesterday. In the span of two days, I have spent quite a bit of time on the road and with family over the past few days and none at all at the computer. Which is good for IRL social stuff, but not so great when you're keeping a blog about kooky and quirky hats.

But I did promise you all something today, and dadgum it, I'm gonna give you something. So after hours of scouring the Internet for something, here it is; a hedgehog wearing a strawberry on its head while checking out a car ad.

You have to admit, it is something, isn't it?

I'm gonna try to get caught up on stuff around here over the weekend (like, for example, sleep,) and by Monday everything will be more like usual. I hope.

Bag It

When it comes to people, there are very few things a person can honestly say applies to them all. Due to the sheer number of us all, it's hard to be able to state with absolute certainty that our own experiences have any sort of verisimilitude. For example: How many of us out there can say that they wore hot-pink tights with a noticeable run in them for their First Communion?

...I'm guessing that's still just me, then. See what I mean?

But even so, if there is one thing I think we all can agree on; it's that every once in a while, for whatever reason (skin broke out, phenomenally bad haircut, enough stitches on our face to make us look like a prototype for Frankenstein's monster, etc.) what we really wanna do is this:

Hide ourselves with a paper bag over the head. It's kind of like The Cone of Shame but, y'know, a bag. And for people instead of pets.

Although, apparently the paper bag is no longer just a means of shielding your face from the world (or for being the integral part of a horrid joke about bedroom matters with someone who is apparently lacking in the looks department, but I digress.) In an odd sort of way, they've actually come into their own a little bit, albeit in more of a costume-like way as opposed to daily wear.

For instance: Want to dress as psycho-killer-type-person, but don't want to be stuck carrying around a fake machete or anything like that?

Ta-da! Just look at how the face drawn on the bag automatically tells people everything they need to know!

From what I've been able to glean from the Internet, this one has some basis in a game somewhere. Alls I know is that I'm including this pic in this post purely because the dude who posed for this picture really put his scalp on the line for this.

Also, you gotta admit; it's really amazing-looking, in a very DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME kind of way.

Ever heard of Saul Steinberg? I remember very vaguely seeing some of his cartoons in The New Yorker back when I was a kid (hey; some parents dig hobbies and sports, mine dug literary pretentiousness sprinkled with quality cartoons,) but apparently he was more than just a cartoonist: dude was a full-fledged artiste.

These are some masks he did back in the late 50s-early 60s. Pretty sweet, huh?

Unfortunately, that's all I've got for you guys this morning, as that I still have bunches to do before I head off for the viewing. I'll try to make it up to you all on Friday if I can.

'Later, folks!

Freakin' Headbands: How Do They Work?

See, I've got a theory, and I think it's about magic and miracles.

Actually, not really; it's more about placement and aesthetics, neither of which falls under the joint categories of "miracles" or "magic," but I just couldn't resist.

This one is multi-purpose; not only does it keep your hair out of your face, but it also works as a conversation-starter with former Boy Scouts because you can quiz them over what the heck kind of knot it is (hint: they tell you in the description.)

Or you could just skip the complicated knots altogether and go with a bow, as illustrated above.

And speaking of bows...

...Sometimes you just can't beat a ginormous one, as long as it's a tastefully-done ginormous one.

Another nice thing about the latest in headbands is that if you like fascinators but can't be bothered with trying to get the blasted comb in properly, you can still rock a gigantic flower on your head with minimal effort.

HEADBANDS: CRUISE CONTROL FOR FANCY.

Of course, if you don't dig fluffy and fancy, you can always go with something a little more pointy and punky, like this spiked headband.

So what have we learned today, Internets? Headbands are awesome, as long as you don't go the hippie route. Please, for the love of Patrick Stewart and Morgan Freeman combined, don't go the hippie route.

And on a less headband-related note, I would like to take a moment to show you a picture of my grandmother-in-law*, Dorothy Greene:

She passed away yesterday evening, and she is greatly missed.

"When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart and you shall see that, in truth, you are weeping for that which has been your delight." -Khalil Gibran

Grandma Greene, you were definitely a delight. Miss you already.

*If that's even a viable term. It ought to be.

Scout's Honor

Between my four sisters and myself, I would have to wager that we somehow managed to get involved in just about every sort of structured activity that grown-ups think will help mold children into responsible adults and then quit said activity after a certain amount of time. Some of these were offered through school (track, cross-country running, basketball, volleyball, cheerleading, band, orchestra, and choir,) after-school programs (that would be African dance and piano lessons,) extras that babysitters threw in (crocheting and Portuguese lessons,) and stuff offered through the church (ballet,) but the ones that probably lasted the longest were ones that actually had friends involved (Girl Scouts.)

That isn't to say that any of us stuck with Girl Scouts until we had risen as far as we could; I'm just saying that it did last a while, but not long enough for anyone to get stuck having to sell the cookies. After all, we had a reputation to uphold, and we still hadn't joined (and then summarily quit) the Freemasons yet. You have to keep the schedule open for that sort of thing, you know?

But at the same time, I have to admit that the thing that probably helped keep the Girl Scouts around for longer than the lifespan of a Mayfly was the fact that it came with a uniform. Once the adult/adults responsible for your genetic makeup has/have sunk hard-earned money into buying you the required button-down shirt, slacks and--most importantly--badge sash, you do kinda feel like you need to stick with it a little longer than a week. It certainly explains why I kept attending ballet lessons long after I had lost interest.

Of course, none of us got the scout hat. Maybe things would have been different if one of us had gotten the hat. It's possible, but I doubt it.

So in honor of Oldest Sis and Middle Sis's respective stints in scoutdom, let's look at some scout hats, shall we?

Yes, I am aware that this is a vintage Boy Scout's hat. Doesn't change the fact that it's still pretty cool-looking.

This one, however, is definitely a Girl Scout hat. It's vintage as well, so I think it balances out the Boy Scout one I posted above.

And for those of you who really dig berets, there's this one. It also comes with a clip-on bow tie that must have been all the rage back in the day, even if it does look a little hokey (and cheap, judging by the stamps on the bow.)

That's it for this week; see you Monday!

Talk About Pride

Ah, lions (also known by the fancy-pants name of Panthera leo.) Really, what can be said about them that hasn't already been said before? They're big; one of the four critters that make up the big cat family (but smaller than tigers, interestingly enough.) They're social (as long as they don't interact with another pride; then it gets all Hatfields vs. McCoys up in there.) They're considered noble and brave, particularly the males (even though the male lions don't actually, y'know, do much of anything outside of propagate the species and look fluffy and fierce. It's the lionesses who actually get stuff done. Also, they will scavenge and eat people from time to time.)

So really, what is there to say about lions that hasn't been said before? THEY HAVE SOME OF THE BEST PR IN EXISTENCE, THAT'S WHAT. Because as the end of the day, we humans (occasionally known as Lunch) still really dig lions, despite the fact that they don't really live up to the hype. They're kind of like elected officials, in that respect.

...And that's enough of that. Let's get down to business, shall we?

With as harsh about lions as I was earlier, I have to admit; it's hard to keep the hate alive when you see a hat as cute as this. Just look at it--it's flippin' adorable.

How much does this dude from Scotland love his lion hat? So much so that he named his music album after it.

...I'm serious. I couldn't have made that up if I tried. Click the link if you don't believe me.

Of course, maybe lion hats are just par for the course in the UK's musical scene, since this lady is rocking a similar one. Y'know, kind of like glow sticks and ravers, or chicken wire at a roadhouse.

Speaking of similar hats...

...These ladies also appear to be rocking the same style of lion hat. Want to rock one of your own? Click on this bad boy and you'll be on your way.

Hey; don't say I'm not generous.

You know how a picture is worth a thousand words? This one seems to be saying only three, with the last two of which being "lion hats."

I'd tell you what the first one is, but I do try to keep this blog family-friendly. Sweet Patrick Stewart, do I try. So just imagine a word that would most likely result in this kid getting her mouth washed out with soap, and you'll be set.

And just because no entry about lion hats would be complete without it, here's Harry Potter's Luna Lovegood, sporting her Gryffindor lion headdress:

You're welcome. See you Friday!

Universal Studios Has Nothing On This Post.

Remember back in June, when I mentioned I was in the process of moving? Yeah, I'm still somewhere in the processing stages of that. Which is to say that The Husband, Rufus The Roommate and I are in the new place, but there's still the matter of, well, stuff.

See, three people come with a lot of stuff. And when said stuff is still mostly in boxes and those boxes happen to be stacked and strewn throughout a place, the affect is somewhat--shall we say--overwhelming. Particularly if the stacks of stuff happen to be about your height or taller, and you're not all that tall to begin with (PETITE POWER!)

So basically, all of this is to say that I've been having to actively squelch the urge to stomp around the place while doing a bad imitation of Godzilla. Because sometimes the only refuge available is refuge in the ridiculous, and I am quite at home with being ridiculous. Sure, it doesn't speak much for maturity, but it's better than having a meltdown or seven.

And on that note, let's get to the subject of today's post: monster hats.

Yeah, yeah; I know this is a baby's hat. Does that stop it from being an awesome monster hat? NO.

This one kind of reminds me of one of the Muppets. Like if that one monster from The Muppet Show who devoured everything in sight (and I'm not talking about Cookie Monster) and the Two-Headed Monster from Sesame Street had progeny, it'd look like this hat.

For those of you who want to make a brain-eating monster hat for yourselves, this intrepid knitter has the pattern posted. SCORE!

For a hat made out of bits and pieces of other clothes, this one turned out pretty snazzy. (I'm fond of the Eyepatch Monster hat, myself.)

Who knew that a fish could make such a scary monster? Did you? I didn't, until I checked out happycloud's Etsy store. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle.

Also, I saw a hat over there that gave me a bad case of The Wants:

Yes, it's argyle. AND THEREFORE, AWESOME BEYOND BELIEF.

Now, this one is called the Sophisticated Monster Hat. I'm not entirely certain why that is, but it appears to be a hybrid of two different monster hat patterns (the aforementioned brainmonster and one that didn't quite make the cut.) Maybe it uses fancy dinner-table settings when serving up brains, complete with a shrimp fork and what-not.

This one is pretty stark, but I like it. It kind of reminds me of the hat I've got permanently posted off to the left, what with the prominent horns and all.

You know, if there's anything I've learned from most B-list horror movies, it's that the only good monster is a dead monster. Which is why it's a good thing that leethal went and made this hat. 'Cause nothing quite sells "dead" like a pair of X'd-out eyes.

And now, for something completely different, a monster hoodie. Because hoodies are always awesome, but monster hoodies are awesome taken up to eleven.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a rampage scheduled in the kitchen. GRAAAARGH!

Seriously. I Want One Of These.

Confession Time: I am a Grade-A worrywart. For those who know me IRL, this probably doesn't come as much of a revelation, but for those of you who don't, well, it's the truth. If the Olympic committee ever decides to make worrying an event at the games, I'm pretty confident that I could nab the gold for the States.

Well, maybe not that confident. What if I mess up? What if someone worries better than I do? SEE? I CAN EVEN WORRY ABOUT WORRYING.

This propensity towards worrying is something that gets commented on a lot around the house. In particular, both The Husband and Rufus The Roommate have noted this similarity between myself and that tightly-wound, loosely-wrapped wad of worrying that appears frequently in the webcomic Questionable Content: Hannelore.

The likening of me to Hannelore bothers me on two levels, which I will endeavor to explain now:

1. While I will admit that they have me dead to rights on the worrying bit, I am nowhere--NOWHERE--near as straight-up, flat-out, all-around neurotic as Hannelore. I don't think anyone could be like that in real life without being heavily medicated.
2. So if I'm like Hannelore, WHERE IS MY WORRY HAT?!

I mean, seriously; if you're gonna make comparisons between me and a cute clump of crazy like Hannelore, I want a fricking worry hat, too. Who knows? It might even work.

According to the maker of this one, it's pretty easy to do.

This guy even went the full nine with his worry hat, although his expression doesn't quite strike me as being particularly worried. He looks more like he is determined to never worry again. EVER.

See? Even stuffed bunnies can't help but look all happy and calm with a worry hat!

So...yeah. My worry hat; WHERE IS IT?

Funky Chicken

The other day, a friend of mine by the first initial of M posted this link on my Facebook profile, thinking that I would find it interesting. Since I totally did, I'd say that worked out well for the both of us, and I started working on the post for today. And that's when a slight problem arose.

See, I had already touched upon chicken-leg viking-style hats in this post last year. Granted, I merely mentioned their existence and only posted one photo as evidence of said existence, but the fact that chicken-leg hats had already been specifically covered on this blog means it falls under the category of Already Been Done. And as we all know, once something's been done, you have to do something else (this is particularly true if you're a fussy little twerp who insists on trotting out original content with every post in order to keep readers coming back, like me.)

So chicken-leg hats were off the menu. But what about chicken hats? Hmmm...hadn't really done those before. Yeah, there was that one post back in March where I posted one chicken hat, but surely there's a greater variety of those out there than just that one, right?

Needless to say, I did find more chicken hats; enough to share with the class. And in the end, we have M to thank for all this. Thanks, M!

For being a relatively simple hat, this black-and-white one is pretty neat. The description even goes so far as to name the breed of the chicken (Barred Rock, for the curious/linkaphobic.)

Of course, there's nothing quite like having a chicken hat given to you as a gift, as this person will gladly tell you.

So on that note, if any of you would like to give me a chicken hat, let me give you a big honkin' hint as to which one I'd like:

Hey; if I'm going to dream, I'm gonna dream big. Besides, I am fully aware of the fact that the chance of this actually happening is about the same as a three-legged cat's chance of surviving being in a dog kennel: HIGHLY UNLIKELY.

And just to apologize for that mental image...

...Here's a cat wearing a chicken hat. Am I forgiven yet?

So in the end, here's all you need to know about chicken hats; when you wear one that resembles a live chicken, everyone wears one with you.

But if you go with the frozen roaster option, you wear it alone.

See you Friday!

Connect The Dots, La, La-La-La

When it comes to patterns, polka dots have got to be right up there with stripes for the most popular pattern ever. They're fun, they're cute and--thanks to the sheer amount of variety you can find them in--they're everywhere.

Well, as long a polka dots are in season at that time; unlike stripes (which never seem to vanish from the scene,) polka dots are occasionally prone to being declare Uncool and disappear from sight for, like, a month or two, only to come back and be just as awesome as ever.

Polka Dots: The Comeback Kid of Patterns.

So with that in mind, here's some polka-dotted hats for you this fine, fair Monday morning.

There's something about polka dots that works so amazingly well with retro-styled hats, like this Halston one.

Of course, since polka dots are so stinkin' versatile, they also work really, really well with more modern styles of hats, like this cap from Rapha.

And now, I feel like being a bit of a bore, so bear with the next two hats, will you?

This one I like purely the pattern is a little more daring; the size and color of the dots isn't uniform, which gives the hat a certain touch of whimsy and fun...

...Which is pretty similar to the reason why I also dig this one. The pattern of the polka dots is a lot more uniform with this one, but the fact that it's on the veil instead of the hat itself lends a sense of drama to the hat overall.

...

Okay, now I've gotten that out of my system. And since you were such good sports about it, Internets, here's a present just for you:

They're paper gift boxes/party favors in the shape of party hats! Are they not The Essence of Cool or really dang close to it? I certainly think so. How about you?