Straight From The Hip

...Yeah.  After you read this post, these sports shorts will make sense.  A LOT more sense.

So seeing as it's finally spring and all, I figured I'd give the Google Search a whirl and see what we could look forward to for Spring/Summer 2011 sartorially-wise (and hopefully, haberdashery-wise, too.)  And as I was looking, I came across a bit of news that literally short-circuited my brain for five minutes.

What was it?  That--allegedly--the hot accessory for the warmer seasons this year is the fanny pack.

*cue the lightning and the thunder*

Except they're not calling it that; they're calling it stuff like 'traveler bag,' 'waist purse' and 'hip bag,' but DO NOT BE FOOLED.  It's a bag that is made to cart your stuff around by slinging around your waist instead by your arm or shoulder, and therefore is a fanny pack.  So let's not waste our time arguing semantics, okay?

Getting this back on track; why did this make me momentarily experience The Blue Screen of Death?  See, for those not quite keeping track, I was alive during the late 1980s-early 1990s.  I was around when these things first hit the scene--heck, I may have even owned one, although I probably repressed the crap out of that memory for my own good--and I remember all too well how fantastically ugly they were.  Sure, they were practical little suckers, but when it came to aesthetics, they failed hardcore and soon became the go-to bag for middle-aged middle-class adults traveling abroad.

So why, in the name of all that is fluffy and good, are these things staging a comeback?  Personally, I'm blaming hipsters.  Yes, I just typed the dreaded h-word, but at this point I am beyond caring.  The only reason I can think of why these suckers would ever make a comeback is because somebody enjoyed "ironically" them way too stinkin' much.  It's the same reason why I think gold lamé ever came back.

But, just to ease my mind a bit, let's take a peek to see what the latest developments in the fanny pack market turn up, shall we?  Maybe this won't be as bad as my flashbacks are leading me to believe.

Well, first up, we've got this utilitarian-themed one.  Which I suppose is great, if you're going to be doing a lot of hiking.  And it's kind of subtle, too.  For a fanny pack.

...Of course, if you'd rather call all sorts of attention to the fact that, yes, you are wearing a fanny pack, you might as well get a big ruffly one.

Then again, if you find yourself somewhere between the two extremes, there's plenty of fanny packs like this one; subtle enough in design, but the pattern makes all sorts and kinds of statements.

My honest first opinion of this fanny pack?  "It's a fanny pack, and it's made of flannel.  It's like the unholy lovechild of the '80s and the '90s!"

...And yet, now it's starting to grow on me.  I'm chalking that up to the fact that it's green.

Well, as you can see, there have been a lot of developments in the fanny pack department, so maybe this whole fanny pack renaissance isn't a harbinger of doom.  But I reserve the right to remain skeptical, and skeptical I shall remain.

Oh, and personally?  If you're going to wear a fanny pack this spring/summer, you might as well go with this one:

Because really, who gives a crap what other people think when you've got a purple monster strapped to your hip?

And on that note, see you Friday!